Broken Hearts and Crystal Tears
by Goruda Shiro
Summary: COMPLETE Set after the show's end. Xander and Andrew decide to stay in L.A. after the Hell Mouth dissolves, Xander in construction again, and Andrew a comic store clerk. Together, they deal with Anya's death. One sided XanderAndrew. For now, at least.
1. Chapter 1

Author: Goruda Shiro  
  
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer  
  
Rating: PG for now.  
  
Pairing: One sided Andrew/Xander. Maybe if I continue....  
  
Notes: This takes place after the Hell Mouth imploded. Andrew's first person POV.  
  
Background Summary: Before leaving the remaining crater, they decide to go to L.A. and make some money before moving on. Xander overhears Andrew telling one of the slayers that he hated being alone, but that he was gonna stay, even though no one else wanted to. Andrew, having gotten a job at a comic book shop, was very happy with it and got himself a place to stay. Having his own job with a construction company, Xander decided to stay, under the guise of wanting to keep the job and steering clear of any hell mouthy activity. In reality, he felt a certain obligation to Andrew, both suffering Anya's death. Andrew rented a small apartment in the city near his, and Xander's, job, and Xander moved in after the rest of the scoobies left, slayers in tow.  
  
Broken Hearts and Crystal Tears  
  
I'm looking at him again. I find myself doing so more and more lately. He's trying not to cry again. Trying to be strong and do the mandatory social thing before he went to bed. It wasn't like we had anyone visiting. It just felt wrong to go to bed before 9:00PM.  
  
I look away, then, down at the food I made. Suddenly, I'm not so hungry, fork picking at and moving around the noodles on my plate. I know it's good. It always is. But he's sad again. I hate it when he's sad. Suddenly, he quietly excuses himself, and, probably quicker than he'd have liked, went into the bathroom. I look up and follow him with my eyes, and it's so quiet, I can hear his low sobbing, from even where I sit. I sigh now. I wish I could make him feel better. But I know how he feels. I feel the same. I'm just better at hiding it, I guess. I tend to cry myself to sleep. Mostly when we don't share a bed. I don't like people seeing me cry, and especially him.  
  
He comes back out and I quickly look back at my plate, taking a few bites before pushing the plate away and sipping at my beer. I don't really enjoy it, but it's one of the few things we can ever do in companionable silence.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He's at the door now. He doesn't even knock anymore. He just stops to see if I'm awake. I usually am. And when I hear him, I dry my tears and look over at him, silently welcoming him in. I scoot over and he lays on the large bed beside me. It's hot out, so we're not using covers, and we're dressed in boxers, myself with a shirt. I'm on my back, and he curls on his side, facing away from me, his back pressed against me. I think it offers him some comfort. I'm glad I can help.  
  
Sometimes, when we wake up, we're spooning, or holding each other. Usually, when it's the last one, there are tear streaks. If I wake up first I stay in place, until he awakens. Even if I know I'm going to be late I stay. That way he can have some dignity in knowing that I never saw the tears. After all, he's a man. Men don't cry. And I know he never looks at me. I think it kinda hurts, actually. I'm looking forward to his visits more and more often. They're rare at any rate. And the boss and I have become friends. She knows what happened. Well, if only that we experienced a great loss. She gives me allowances.  
  
It's been almost six months. Six months since she died. I was pressed against the wall by some bringers. She pulled them away and saved me. Then she got sliced. If it weren't for her, or for Xander, for that matter, and Mr. Giles too, I think I'd be dead now. I don't think he blames me. I don't think he ever did. I remember before we left the crater, we were on the bus, and I broke down. He held me, and started crying as well. It was a first. But it was also the last. Last time we cried in front of each other. Last time we even actually held each other.  
  
He kissed me this morning, though. We were huddled together, first time in over a month, and I woke first, as I always do. His job doesn't start till day's out. I usually help open. And the customers like me alot, so they wait... and I'm babbling again. Anyway, I was laying there, and I could tell he was waking up, so I closed my eyes. I mean, I didn't want him to know I looked at him. I like to look. But yeah. he was waking up, and he rubbed his hand on my face and chest. There was a pause, and I had to try hard not to look at him, ask him why he was holding me like that. Before I could do anything, though, he placed a kiss square on my lips.  
  
I took a sharp breath when he did that, and my eyes started fluttering open. He quickly untangled us, and before I could even open my eyes, decide to, he's gone. He doesn't even shower. Just changes and is gone. I was haunted at work by it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's a slow day. It's almost lunch time and I've only had two customers in here all day. They didn't buy anything. I'm almost asleep now. Someone just walked in. A regular. Just here for the latest issue of Uncanny and New X-men, undoubtedly. He's been following the story faithfully since they made Beast claim he was gay. I guess I always knew. I bet they'll hook him up with Bobby. I mean, they chased each other through the mansion naked, snapping each other with towels. The thought kinda makes me blush. But he says they're trying to take it back now, and he's obviously displeased.  
  
Now, I'm having an in depth conversation with him, since I haven't really been paying much attention to it lately, trying to catch up, when someone else walks in. Just my luck that we'd pick up when I was about to get ready to go to lunch.   
  
Ringing up his order, I give out a small sigh. Afterwards, I smile brightly at him and wish him a nice day, then turn around. My eyes kinda widen as I do. Xander's there, at the other side of the counter, and he's smiling. Only a little, but he's smiling. I walk over to him, and I can't help smiling back, shyly. "Hi, Xander." The shyness in my voice causes me to blush. We rarely ever talk anymore, and so this is sorta odd for him, not that I'll complain.  
  
"I knew it was about lunch time for ya. I took an early one." His smile was kind of shy now. I guess it's been just as long for him, too. I mean, it's like we live there, together, and eat there, together, and sometimes we even watch cable, together, but we hardly know each other, or even how to act towards each other. "I was gonna lunch at the deli down the road. Wanna join me?"  
  
His offer is genuine, and, after a minute, I smile. "Sure. I just hafta check with Hellen... my boss. I've still got five minutes. But I'm sure she'll let me. It's not a big... deal." I shut up, suddenly. I'm rambling again. Turning around, I exit the counter area, smiling back at him as I almost skip to the back room. Soon, Hellen and I return, and she smiles at him, greeting and meeting him.  
  
Hellen is the 28 year old manager of the store. Kinda young, yeah, but she's good. The big bosses like her a lot. I think she also knows more about Sunnydale Crater than she lets on. But that's ok. She doesn't push. I liked that.  
  
After counting my till and signing out, I put the money in the safe and head out, hugging Hellen on the way. She's real nice.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
We walk down the sidewalk in silence. The place we are going is this cute little deli inbetween his current work site and the comic store. That way we can leave a little later than we'd have to, I guess. I don't know. But I'm kinda uncomfortable. I mean, I don't know why he suddenly decided to have lunch with me. Maybe he wants to talk about this morning. But I was asleep. Or he thought I was. I don't know. I'm confusing myself. I occupy myself with thinking over what the customer had told me. I've missed more than a year in my comic reading. Between the Hell Mouth and the being on the run and the murder... shaking my head. Now was definitely not the time to think about that.  
  
I guess I'm pretty nervous now, because I'm shaking slightly as I walk, despite how hot it is, and when he calls my name, I jump. I realise we're there, and he finds us a little table outside. It's sorta nice. Well, a breeze flew by, and another short one. They cooled us down. And we had shade. The lazy sway of the red and white striped awning above us was reflected in it's shadow at our feet.  
  
A lady waitress takes our order, just some thick, cold ham sandwiches. A lot of lettuce and tomato to go with it. We didn't get any drinks though. They give you water when they take your order, and we just drank that. Truth be told, I'm nervous. Having had time to think about it, I have absolutely no idea why he'd ask me to lunch. "So.. um.." Yeah. Real suave.  
  
"Yeah..." He seems pretty nervous himself.  
  
"Was there, um, something you wanted to, eh, talk about?" I kinda figured there'd have to be a reason for him to take me to lunch, even though I was sure I was paying for mine.  
  
"I, uh, just thought it'd be a nice change. We never get out. Ya know?" Nervous laugh. He is nervous. Oh great. And we? He said we. What does he mean we?  
  
"Yeah. We don't, I guess." I'm to nervous I'm not enjoying this. Well, I guess I am. I'm staring at him now. He looks nice. He's not trying not to cry. That's good. Actually, he looks good in the day light. The thought makes me smile shyly and I duck my head, surprised when the waitress returns with our food. We spare her a thank you and take a bite.  
  
I risk looking up at him, and he's looking at me. He looks sorta sad, and when he realises I'm looking, he sorta slowly looks away. It's kinda like he's trying to be non-chalant, but I can see the blush. But I know better. He's just concerned. I've seen it before. I think he's worried that the stress will get to me or something and I'll do something drastic. He doesn't have to worry about that though. As long as I have him, as much of him as I have, I'm fine.  
  
We share a smile, then, and some small talk. The time passes quickly, and he does pay for me. Then we stand, and for a moment, he looks at me endearingly, and I think we're about to hug. Then he wishes me a good day, and I do the same. Then we part ways, both smiling.  
  
TBC?  
  
A/N As to that mention of the Hank being gay thing, that's true. And I have a friend who's varily opposed to them taking it back... making a joke out of it. She made a petition, and I thought I'd give her a plug. http://petitionpetition.com/cgi/petition.cgi?id=4520 If this doesn't show up as a link, the copy and paste it to your browser window. 


	2. Chapter 2

Author: Goruda Shiro  
  
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer  
  
Rating: PG for now.  
  
Pairing: One sided Andrew/Xander. Maybe if I continue....  
  
Notes: This takes place after the Hell Mouth imploded. Xander's first person POV for this one.  
  
Background Summary: Before leaving the remaining crater, they decide to go to L.A. and make some money before moving on. Xander overhears Andrew telling one of the slayers that he hated being alone, but that he was gonna stay, even though no one else wanted to. Andrew, having gotten a job at a comic book shop, was very happy with it and got himself a place to stay. Having his own job with a construction company, Xander decided to stay, under the guise of wanting to keep the job and steering clear of any hell mouthy activity. In reality, he felt a certain obligation to Andrew, both suffering Anya's death. Andrew rented a small apartment in the city near his, and Xander's, job, and Xander moved in after the rest of the scoobies left, slayers in tow.  
  
Broken Hearts and Crystal Tears  
  
I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I feel like a Zombie. I think Andrew noticed that. That's why I'm doing this, I guess. I'm looking at the omelets I'm making us. I haven't cooked a single meal since I got here. I don't even think he knows I can, and by the look he's giving me as he leaves his room, pajamas baggy on him, stretching as he yawns, he only verifies my thought.  
  
He doesn't bother going to the bathroom... though, I'm rarely up before him. Well, if you count when we share a bed and he pretends to be asleep for me. Yeah. I know. It's hard on me. But it's hard on him too. First, I tried copying, hoping maybe he'd get up first, but in the end, he won out.  
  
After a moment, he just sorta accepts the site of me cooking and moves over here, standing beside me, looking dreamily at... wait. I look over at him, meeting his eyes. He's staring at me! He notices I see him and the half shock on my face and he looks away, shame in his eyes and a blush on his face. I look back at the meal, feeling guilty.   
  
Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I mean, could he... feel for me? I'm not gay. Well, not really. I mean, it's not like I like him... not like that. I look at him and sigh under my breath as he abandons me, heading to the bathroom with his head down. Ok, maybe I do. Sorta. But... Sigh. I don't know.  
  
I watch after him as he dissappears in the bathroom. We don't have to work today. We get weekends. Well, until business picks up, anyway, on both horizons. I give another sigh and turn down the heat, putting the lid on to let the cheese melt. After a few minutes, just as he's reentering, I put the omelets on plates, grab forks, and set them on the table. Turning to the fridge, I grab some juice, Andrew putting some glasses on the table. I turn back and fill them, then leaving the juice there.  
  
I hesitate a moment before speaking, still slightly upset with myself for what I'd just done. Then I force a smile and look up at him. "Omelets are my best recipe..." I gulp as his sad eyes look up at me, a soft pout on those lips as he puts his left elbow on the table and leans on that fist. His fork is in hand, but he's not really holding it, and I expect it to fall any moment. My forced smile toned down a little, I try again. "I... hope you like them."  
  
I think maybe I should just shut up. He looks at me, and there's hurt there. Maybe he does like me. Maybe he thought I was disgusted with him. Another sigh, mirrored from both of us this time. My hair is longer now, down to my eyes. I hunch over, and my hair covers my eyes. I then look over at him through the veil of them, my head down as if I'm looking at my food. It's not like he's not easy on the eyes. Dare I say, cute, even?  
  
I just never fancied myself a gay man. I mean, even with that kiss the other morning. I knew it was him. I did it myself. Willingly. I just... I don't know. I had the urge, and so I did it. I was only half awake though. Still, I liked it. And it doesn't bother me to be in his arms. I didn't even cry that night. I didn't last night either. Yeah. I slept with him, this time in his arms before we nodded off. Well, I layed on the bed and he curled up to me, but we held each other. I don't even know why I did it. The night before I was feeling bad and I went to him. Last night, I went with him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Breakfast is uneventful, and I dress and leave soon after. I have no idea what I'm doing, what's happening with me. I just figured the other morning was a sort of... fluke? I don't know. I'm out walking. We live in one of the biggest cities in America and still with no car. Oh well.  
  
Soon, I find myself in front of the comic shop where he works, and so I go in. I wave slightly to Hellen and we exchange some pleasantries, then I go looking around. Don't even know what I'm doing here. But I realize that my wallet is, proverbially, fat, and there's several things here that Andrew would probably like to own. My appology to him. I'm not good at those. Soon, I decide on some old Superman comics to replace the ones I know he'd lost on the Hell Mouth. After paying for them, and I think Hellen gave me some sort of discount on them... I think she knows something... I left, but not for the appartment.  
  
I have the comics in a paper bag, and the paper bag folded around the comic, and so I walk with it under my arm. After a few minutes, I stop walking and look up. An older lady is staring at me. Much older. Sorta hunched over and wearing a shawl over her head and shoulders. She's staring at me, looking into my eyes. It's very unnerving, but I'm too distracted by what's going on.  
  
After what feels like several minutes, she closes most of the ten foot gap between us and pokes my chest. "You're lost." Um... ok. And her accent is Romanian, I think. Gypsy. I don't have to wait long before she speaks again, either. "You're walking in circles and are at cross in road." Oddly, I know what she's talking about, and my mouth drops open as I nod dumbly, wondering how she knew. "Just stop thinking so much. You'll be happier." Then she back hands my arm, and it actually hurts a little, as she walks off.  
  
Dumbly, I look back after her, but she's already gone. Now, I KNOW L.A.'s full of weird things, but I don't think we're on a hell mouth. Maybe it's just so big that it could suffice. Anyway, somewhere in the jumble that is my head, I am realizing how right she is. The more and more I think about this, the more confused by it I become. That in mind, I walk a little farther, before making the turn to go home.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I sigh as I walk into the apartment and find it empty, the door being locked no indication. After all, this is Los Angeles. It's not safe to leave the door unlocked. After walking through the no space of the apartment, I sigh again. He didn't even leave a note.  
  
Unfolding the bag, I pull out the comics. They're still in their sleeves, and look like they hadn't been taken out yet. He'd love them. After staring at them for a few minutes, I go into his room and put them on his bed, stacked, but fanned out a little.  
  
Afterwards, I use his door to the bathroom and lock the door behind me, then mine, then the main. Sitting on the toilet lid, I remove my shoes. For some reason, my feet are sore. After giving myself a slight massage, I remove my socks, then shirt. Standing, I undo my pants and drop them, and my underwear, in one move. On my way to the tub, I kick them to my door. After setting the water temperature right, I turn on the shower and step in.  
  
I feel so... so raw. It's the feeling of touching skin to raw flesh, only it hurts in a different way. After washing myself, I lay at the back of the tub, just letting the wide spray pelt me with it's blistering heat. Now, even with a 40 gallon water heater, the water cools quickly, and soon the water's off, though I'm still laying here.  
  
My eyes droop a little, and I'm not really comfortable, but I'm tired, and my body wants sleep. A knock on the front door snaps me awake. Standing, I grumble and put a towel around my waist. It slips slightly, I don't notice, showing off just a little more than I'd intended. Putting the chain in place, I open the door and peak out. I'm surprised to see Andrew out there. Closing the door, I take the chain off and let him in. "Where's your key?"  
  
"I guess I left it here." Seeing me, he blushes, then looks down. I guess earlier really got to him. "Sorry..."  
  
Quickly, I close the door again and lock it, then move over and in front of him. "Wait... I should appologize. For earlier." I smile a little, almost hopefully.  
  
He gives another blush and shrugs. "It's ok..."  
  
I smile brighter and pull him into a one armed hug, the other still holding the towel. At first, he puts his hands on my chest, and it doesn't at all feel that bad, but then he puts his arms under mine on my sides and hugs back. As he presses his face sideways against my chest, I inhale deeply. He's so cool compared to me, considering the shower, right now. But the skin on his face is so smooth and soft. I pull him harder a moment, hugging tight, and he nuzzles my chest just a little, then I break it.  
  
Smiling down at him, I rub his shoulder. He smiles at me and I move my hand to rub his neck, before hesitantly pulling away and retreating to the bathroom, to unlock the doors and grab my cloths, then to my room to dress.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After dinner, and I've got this constant smile on. It's small, but it's there. And I don't think we've been this happy in a while. I've actually been wise cracking, and I can tell he's thoroughly enjoying himself. On the couch, we sit closer than we need to while watching Star Trek, the original one, on Sci Fi.  
  
"I had fun. Thank you, Xander." He smiles at me, and I'm kinda stunned. It's not like I did anything, but I smile back anyway. Then he hugs me.  
  
It only takes a moment for the shock to wear off and I'm hugging him just as tightly. "Yeah... I did too."  
  
He gives a contented sigh and stands, stretching. He's already in his pajamas, though I know he only wears them around the house. He has these cute little Star Wars boxers with Luke, Lea, and Vader printed on them. "I'm going to bed, now." He's bouncing a little and I know he's got too much energy to sleep. But, then, he surprises me a lot. I shake my head and stand as well.  
  
The mess is small, so I clean it up, telling him I will too, soon. After the place is back in order, I go to my room, stripping down to normal black boxers. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I think about the day. He'd been so happy about the comics that he'd kissed me. It was a chaste one, but on the lips no less; and he'd jumped on me, hugging me with his legs tight around my waste, shaking with so much energy I thought I'D burst from it. I couldn't help it and I hugged back with just as much enthusiasm. Smiling a little, I stand and leave my room, padding softly to his room and stopping in the doorway, looking at him.  
  
TBC  
  
I've decided that this is gonna be the second of three chapters. The last one will be narrator's POV. Lemme know whatcha think. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author: Goruda Shiro  
  
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer  
  
Rating: Not sure what to rate this... I'll say R, for sexual suggestions.  
  
Pairing: Andrew/Xander.   
  
Notes: This takes place after the Hellmouth imploded. Third person narration for this baby.  
  
Background Summary: Before leaving the remaining crater, they decide to go to LA and make some money before moving on. Xander overhears Andrew telling one of the slayers that he hated being alone, but that he was gonna stay, even though no one else wanted to. Andrew, having gotten a job at a comic book shop, was very happy with it and got himself a place to stay. Having his own job with a construction company, Xander decided to stay, under the guise of wanting to keep the job and steering clear of any hellmouthy activity. In reality, he felt a certain obligation to Andrew, both suffering Anya's death. Andrew rented a small apartment in the city near his, and Xander's, job, and Xander moved in after the rest of the scoobies left, slayers in tow.  
  
Broken Hearts and Crystal Tears  
  
Xander swallowed slightly as he watched Andrew lay there, the moon on his face from the window beside his bed. His eyes were soon open and he saw Xander, smiling. He made as if to move over, although there was already more than enough room for the other man. Then a pat on the bed, and Xander smiled and joined him. He laid on his back, under the covers, and nothing was said. No objections made, Andrew curled into his side, half draped over him. An arm wrapped around Andrew and they both closed their eyes, sleep taking them quickly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrew, of course, woke first, but this time made no pretenses as he, however unwillingly, got out of bed. He looked back at Xander and a big smile crossed his face. Xander was still asleep and he gently moved some hair from his forhead. It was a work day, Monday, so he had to go. Xander, too, but not till later.  
  
Blushing slightly, he turned, even though his bed partner still slept, and stripped. After putting his cloths in his hamper, and grabbing some clean ones and a towel, he went into the bathroom. For some reason, he didn't bother locking the doors, but he did close them.  
  
Soon after his shower, he was dressed and the spell from a little while ago was over. He wondered, as he makes breakfast, if the man just emerging from his room, stretching, wearing nothing but those sexy black silk boxers... chiseled chest and stomach stretching tight in the most... And he forced himself to turn away, thoughts once again back to his wonder. He was confused, and while last nights visit was pleasant, it confused him more.  
  
He really liked Xander. He could even say he loved him. But he wasn't sure that the other man felt the same. The silence, uncomfortable only to him, dragged on through the quick breakfast. After their parting and the bidding of good days, he quickly made his way to work.  
  
Xander, however, had noticed something off. But he had his own worries. Well, they weren't so much worries as dilemmas. He still wasn't sure how he felt about the boy. Rather, he wasn't sure about how he felt. He knew he liked holding him, and especially skin to skin. He knew that the boy excited him, in the not innocent ways. He was also very comfortable with him, considering that, once invited, he, in only boxers, got in bed with him, then held him against himself.  
  
Thoughts of Andrew nagged him all through work, too, and once, he almost dropped a beam on himself. The work day was long and hard for him, and he wondered how he made it through.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Andrew sighed dreamily as he glanced over the comic that he wasn't really reading. There were a few customers, but no one ready to purchase yet. Thoughts of his beloved roommate had him staring dreamily into space more times than not.  
  
He started as a potential customer approached, and stood politely at the counter, smiling his brightest to him. "Hello. I'm Andrew. Is there something I can help you with?"  
  
The frowning man stepped up to the counter, looking a bit lost. "I'm looking for New X-Men 125 through 134(1), but I can't find ANY copies."  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry. We just sold out of those yesterday. But if you'd like, I could have them ordered for you." He smiles hopefully at him. "They'd be delivered straight to you."  
  
"That would be nice, but I need them now. Doing a research project." A wry look crossed his face and he shook his head. "Thank you anyway." He smiled sadly and left, leaving Andrew to sigh.  
  
He wasn't really upset about losing a customer, but he knew he should be. He just couldn't keep his mind off Xander when he wasn't kept busy. Mostly, he wondered about last night's visit.  
  
He knew Xander wasn't there for their normal type visits. This wasn't about comforting presence. But he couldn't let his hopes get up. After all, what chance could he have with Xander.  
  
Giving another sigh, he recomposed himself and served the next customer's order, a slightly forced smile on his face.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
As the day tore on, Xander became more and more nervous. His decision was made, and nothing would make him change his mind. He caught himself muttering many times under his breath, rehearsing, when he wasn't looking at the clock. In fact, he'd almost gotten clocked, twice, and he'd suspected the second time to have been on purpose.  
  
He knew he'd be getting off a half an hour before Andrew, so he had time to prepare, to ease his nervousness. It didn't help, but he had it. He was almost pacing when Andrew slid his key into the lock.  
  
Snapping his head up, he looked at the door in trepidation. 'Maybe this isn't a good idea. What if he says no? Maybe I'm wrong. About what though? Him liking me? I mean, maybe he does. Do I like him? I'm only asking him to...' "Dinner!"  
  
Andrew, who'd finally managed to get his attention, was confused. "What?"  
  
Clearing his throat, Xander looked at the younger man, trying with only slight success to meet his eyes. "That is, um, you, uh, wanna go out? Tonight, I mean? For dinner..." Nervous laughter left his throat as he resisted the urge to shake or bolt.  
  
Andrew seemed to be appraising him silently for a moment, to see if the offer was real, before grinning widely. "That would be great. I mean, I don't have any plans tonight. Um, where are we going?"  
  
He can't help the big smile on his face and he just wanted to hug Andrew, but instead, he decided to just bounce. "Just wear something... semi formal?" At Andrew's nod, he grins impossibly wider. "Cool... um... 8:00, ok?" Another nod and he OKed again, practically bouncing to his room.  
  
Andrew couldn't help laughing slightly as he trotted excitedly to his own room. It was really his first date. He sighed and slowed then, memories coming back. Warren had never taken him out on a date. Not even when they didn't have to worry about the slayer. He'd said he loved him, but only ever in reply to Andrew's own declarations. The one time he'd brought up going out to dinner, they went to McDonalds. With Jonathan. Who was oblivious to the nature of their relationship.  
  
With another sigh, he slumped over to the bed and let himself drop on it. 'What am I doing? It's not like it's a date. And so what if it is? It could never work. He couldn't love me.' He felt a tear in his eye as he remembered what the First had said, after he'd killed Jonathan, though using Warren's form. And he'd thought it was him. He was so convincing.  
  
~~~~~~~"Of course I didn't love you. You're a whiny, irritating little wimp. But you were loyal. You had that going for you. Misplaced, if you ask me. You see, Jonathan. He loved you. Best friends and all that. To me, you were convenient." He gave a stern look and moved around to look him in the face as he turned. "Are you crying? You lost your right to cry when you killed Jonathan"  
  
"You... I-I-I did it for you..."  
  
"Whine, whine, whine. How could I love you? You're a GEEK." Word emphasized with a motion of his hand, flattened, over his upper chest, a few inches away, and dragged from the far side of his body as he bounced a little. "But you can make things up."  
  
A sniffle was heard as he looked at Warren, tears still in his eyes. "How..."  
  
"First, kill the tears. Then, ma' boy, kill Xander."  
  
"Xander?" He was shocked.  
  
"Yes, Xander."  
  
"Wh-why him?"  
  
Warren rolled his eyes. "Because we already know it'll be too hard to kill the slayer. So we take out her friends, starting with the weakest." It was a line, though. The First knew that Xander would be the one to reach him. Xander, and Anya. But Xander was the biggest threat.  
  
"I... I can't. No. I won't. Yo... you can't make me... no.. No! NO! NOOO!!!" Large tears streamed down his face and he ran through the house, slayer head quarters, holding his hands on his ears, the word "no" trailing as he shot by, upstairs, and locked himself in the bathroom. The potentials just gave him a weird look, but Xander followed, worried, with Anya soon behind him.~~~~~~~  
  
'No... I can't let him get to me.' He shuddered a little sob away and dried his eyes, uncurling from the tight ball he'd managed to get himself into and standing. 'It's just dinner. Me and Xander. He didn't even say it was a date. But, well... oh I love that man. Did I just think that?' He smiled a little shakily and hugged himself, nodding. He did love him and he had to do this.  
  
Stripping, he grabbed his robe. He didn't hear anyone in the bathroom, and, his door being unlocked, of course, he walked in. After locking his and Xander's doors, as well as the main one, he turned on the shower and stepped in, washing thoroughly in preparation for the upcoming event.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Xander paced the room as he tried to decide what to wear. All his light button ups were on the bed, as well as a white undershirt, and some dark jeans. 'Semi formal. Semi formal. What to wear. What to...' Having gotten the clothing out earlier, during the unknown personal battle his 'date' was in, he now had to decide. He was distracted, then, by the shower running, and the soft sound of plastic on metal as the curtain was closed. 'He's in the shower now...' A grin. 'He's in the shower.' He frowned, then, growling, frustrated at the images in his head, and the resulting tightening of his pants. "This is SO not helping."  
  
He gave a small whine as he walked over to the bed, his pants rubbing against his erection, and decided on a suit to wear. Well, not a suit, really. Dark, marginally loose jeans, a casual button up, and some light dress shoes.  
  
Putting the rest of his clothing away, he groaned. He was still hard, and it was irritating. Stripping, he lay on the bed, taking his erection in hand. Closing his eyes, he starts stroking, slowly. He lets out a soft moan and an image forms in his hand. An unknown body is pressing against him. Warm, soft lips are on his neck, a hand on his chest, and the hand on his manhood isn't his own.  
  
The other is definitely male, but it doesn't bother him, and he pulls harder, faster. The other body moves up his, kissing along his jaw, then to his lips. Those luscious lips ghost teasingly against his, then press harder. His lower lip is sucked into the unknown male's mouth, before the other pulls away completely. Leaning down, he whispers in his ear. "I love you, Xan..." As it was said, Xander saw him, finally, grunting in surprise as he cums, Andrew in his vision, and the name coming breathily from his mouth, and more loudly as he'd have liked.  
  
Breathing hard, he opened his eyes. He noticed for the first time that the shower was no longer running. Blushing, he hoped that Andrew hadn't heard him. If he had, he hadn't said anything. Sighing slightly, half in sated pleasure, and half in relief, he knocked on his door to the bathroom. Getting no response, he tried the door knob. It opened and, grabbing his towel, he locked himself in, then set to cleaning himself off.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next few hours were a sordid blur. Neither of them could really think about anything but trying to impress the other, or worrying about making a fool of themselves.  
  
Xander had left after finishing dressing, and Andrew supposed that he was just getting ready to "pick up his date," though he didn't really think it would be that big of a thing.  
  
For Andrew, the last hour was a slow one. He was nervous the whole time. He didn't know what to expect, what was expected of him. Really, it was his first date. Was he supposed to put out? Not that he had a problem with that. But would Xander hate him if he did? Would he hate him if he didn't? He couldn't take it if Xander hated him.   
  
Sighing, he shifted his weight from one side to the other, sitting on the couch and watching an old Star Trek episode, bouncing his knees nervously. He wasn't really paying attention to it, though, so he didn't notice when it turned 8:00.  
  
As the green LED display on the VCR changed to 8:00, there was a loud knock at the door. He nearly jumped out of his skin with shock. Taking a moment to catch his breath, he stands, heart racing, to go answer it. He wondered who it could be as he put the chain in place and opened the door as far as the chain would allow. "Hello?" He knew a vampire couldn't enter without an invitation, but any other demon could, and even another human, if they tried. Still, he felt better this way. Looking out, he suddenly smiled. Removing the chain, he opened the door all the way. "Xander. Did you forget your key?"  
  
Smiling, Xander laughed softly. "No, I just wanted to try to do this right. I mean, it's a date, isn't it?" He smiled brighter at the blush on Andrew's cheeks, and, at his nod, he continued. "Well, I'm here to pick up my date."  
  
Blushing a little more, he couldn't help but grin. "Oh... ok. Well, I'll be right out." Moving back a few feet, he grabbed his keys and a light overcoat. Locking the door, then, he stepped out, his own wallet already in pocket. "So, where we going?"  
  
"It's a surprise." He should have been nervous, but he wasn't. They both reached for each other's hands at the same time, each smiling in turn.  
  
As they left the building, Xander led him to a car, a green Buick Lesabre. "Oh, Xan. When did you buy a car?" He looked perplexed as he looked up at the other man.  
  
"It's just rented. I can't afford a car yet."  
  
"Oh, ok." Smiling more, he squeezed his hand. "You didn't have to do that."  
  
"Like I said, I want to do this right."  
  
As Xander opened the door for him, Andrew gave him a half hug, pressing the side of his head against his shoulder for a second before pulling back, hands still clasped. "You're doing fine." With that, he stepped into the car and put on his seat belt. Reaching over, he quickly unlocked the driver door.  
  
The drive was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Occasionally, they would both steal looks at each other, turning away quickly if the other caught them. Sometime during the ride, around the moment the car was put into drive, their hands found each other's again. Leaning slightly towards Xander, Andrew sighed happily.  
  
As they turned off Le Conte Ave., onto Westwood Blvd., Andrew closed his eyes, thinking happily. Soon, they slowed and turned, raising a little. He opened his eyes. They were in a parking lot, finding a parking space. Looking around, he grinned.  
  
As he pulled into a spot, thankfully near the entrance, he smiled. "You like?"  
  
He gave a firm nod, looking back at Xander. "I LOVE Italian food. How'd you know?"  
  
"I didn't, actually." He gave a bit of a nervous laugh. "I just kinda took a shot in the dark. And the way you like your food, I just thought.." He shrugged, cutting off the rest of the sentence. "I'm glad you like it." Turning off the car, he removes his seat belt and gets out. Closing the door, he moves around behind the car to Andrew's door, getting it for him.  
  
Andrew giggled as the door opened before he could even grab the handle. There was a blush on his face as Xander offered him his hand to help him out. He didn't need the help, but obliged nonetheless. "This is all too much, Xander. You really didn't have to."  
  
A soft smile covered his face as their eyes met, and the hand holding Andrew's moved to cup his cheek a moment. Then, as if broken from a spell, Xander shakes his head, coming back to himself, and pulling his hand away. He didn't notice the soft sigh of disappointment Andrew gave as he spoke. "I want this to be nice. I... I like you." It was his turn to blush as he looked down. Despite how things had gone so far, he didn't want to over step his bounds.  
  
"I like you, too, Xander." There was a smile and blush on Andrew's cheeks as well as Xander looked up. Smiling, he took his hand again, and started guiding him towards the restaurant, using the car remote to lock it and turn on the alarm.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The end of the night found them standing outside Andrew's bedroom door, tightly embracing, mouths pressed together in a slow, gentle kiss. Both sets of eyes were closed, a soft look of bliss blanketing them both. Neither ready or willing to just yet part, they stood there, holding each other.  
  
Andrew, the first to break the silence, spoke softly, as if to talk any louder than a whisper would break the tender spell between them. "I-I had fun, Xander." Resting his head against the other man's shoulder, he smiled, pressing his face into his neck.  
  
"Yeah... I did too." Leaning into him slightly, he closed his eyes, content to just stay there. But it was midnight now, and after dinner and a movie at a diner/theater, and they were both tired.  
  
Andrew's yawn gave evidence to that fact, and they both chuckled weakly. "I guess it's bed time." Finally, he pulls back a little to look at Xander.  
  
Looking back at the other man, Xander nods. "Yeah. I guess." They looked at each other for a long moment, before kissing again. Just as slow and gentle as before, this one held an unspoken need. Unfortunately, Andrew knew it would take time for Xander to face up to that need like he should. He could wait. "Goodnight, Andrew."  
  
Smiling, Andrew replied in kind, then stepped in his room. He closed the door only a crack and watched with a fond smile as Xander went to his room. With a soft sigh, he closed himself in, just as Xander did the same.  
  
End  
  
(1) In New X-Men 125, Hank McCoy, or Beast to some, game out as being gay. Well, due to homophobes and haters, they decided to take it back. So, in response, in issue 134, Scott told Hank he wasn't gay. That he'd known him for so long and that he couldn't be. Hank said that he might as well be. I don't remember the whole line, but basically that because of society, he might as well be gay. That it's just an outcry for attention and that no one's really gay. http://petitionpetition.com/cgi/petition.cgi?id=4520 is a link to the petition my fiance came up with to try to get them to continue with the "Beast as a possible homosexual" story line. Check it out and give me kudos for sending you. *grins* 


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